oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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