Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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