I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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