Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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