she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
