We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize