You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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