I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
