My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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