I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're a waste of cheezeits
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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