So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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