My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
