I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
