Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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