there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
