please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
