i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
