You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
