some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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