He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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