i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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