your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
