Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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