I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
