Please, let me fuck your mom
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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