i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
