Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you win again, gameday.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
