i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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