The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
