i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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