He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
