If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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