dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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