literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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