at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize