you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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