I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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