Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
