The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
