I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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