he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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