You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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