It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
