yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
