just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize