If i come over, it means nothing
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
