now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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