i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
