I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
