Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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