We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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