A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
