What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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