I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drake has all the answers
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
