Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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