I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
