Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
