I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
