we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
