i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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