Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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