Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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