it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
