is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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