I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
