U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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