Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
