Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my poor anus
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
