He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
