it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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